The Stars Shine Down On You
by AccioMuerta
Summary: Harry and Ginny are no longer together because she cheated. When Hermione sets Harry up with the "Perfect Person" to stop his playboy ways, Harry's in for more surprises than he thought. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: HP = Not Mine = JKR's.**

**A/N:** Written for the August Hideaway Quill Challenge in which Harry and Ginny are done 'cause she cheated and he's a playboy. Hermione sets Harry up on a mystery date. Who is it and What happen?  
Bonus points if you know what I'm vaguely parodying.

* * *

"Oh, come on, Harry. You said so yourself. You're looking for someone to connect with," Hermione told him over the phone. In recent years they had taken to a more conventional muggle form of communication. It was a lot easier talking on a mobile phone since they were both on the go so much.

"This is when you say something derisive about my sleeping around, isn't it?" Harry said.

"I just think it's unhealthy. It's not like you're getting back at Ginny. She left you for Cormac McCleggan, of all people. She's trying to get back at you."

"You didn't need to remind me. And did you know that's been going on since sixth year?" He'd had his suspicions, but had never asked Hermione. The time just seemed to present itself then.

"Not exactly," she said, drawing out her response.

"You did know!" The people around Harry gave him a wider berth, which, considering he was in the middle of London, took some doing.

"He may have made the suggestion of a threesome at one point. But in my defense, Ginny swore me to secrecy at the time."

"Hermione, you don't lie well."

"You never asked. Besides, you're the one who's been a total doofus since she cheated on you with him."

"Point taken. So, tell me about this mystery date?"

---

Harry didn't like to admit that he still was nervous around girls. His recent exploits were splattered all over the news: the partying and the booze and the sex. Several tell all books were supposedly in the works, but Harry was claiming ignorance.

When Hermione said she had the perfect person in mind, Harry feared the worst. He was a nervous wreck waiting in Rosemerta's for his "date" to show. Hermione said she would accompany said person then leave them to it.

"Fire Whisky, Harry"?" Rosemerta asked as Harry drummed his fingers on the bar. "You look like you could use it."

"Yeah. Just the one though." He downed the shot with a grimace. "Thanks," he said, his voice rough.

"Well, at least you didn't bail," Hermione said. Sensing a crude comment she added, "No need for the bravado. Your date could care less."

"Granger, what the hell have you dragged me out in the freezing cold for?"

Harry turned to the voice and immediately pulled his wand out, pointing it at the newcomer.

Hermione lowered Harry's wand with her hand. "Severus, I do apologize. But you agreed to this."

"At the time I didn't know what I was agreeing to exactly," Snape said. "And this is only because I owe you a favor. Don't forget it, Granger. I'm not at your beck and call."

"I'm sure you'll remind me later." Hermione turned to Harry who was somewhere between baffled and furious. "Have a nice date." She gave both dark haired men a wink.

"What the hell was that about?" Harry said, unable to process more than simple things at that moment.

"I believe the term is friends with benefits, Potter. Surely you've heard of it?"

"Oh, God. How long has that been going on?" Harry held his head in his hands.

"Longer than you've been an overly eligible bachelor." Rosemerta, without asking, poured each man a shot. Harry took it without hesitation while Snape mulled his over a moment. "Let's just say that the word 'detention' with Hermione takes on a whole new meaning." He downed it and set the glass down with a firm thunk that was perfectly timed to Harry's groan.

"I did not need that image."

"Nor I of your escapades, but those are all over the news. I'd rather burn out my eyeballs with one of Hagrid's Blast-Ended Skrewt than be here now. Except I made a promise to your mother and Hermione and I'll be damned if I don't honour the women I love. Or loved."

Those were the most sincere words Harry had heard in a long time, and coming from Snape they were not to be taken lightly. Thus, reluctantly, Harry allowed himself to be dragged off with Snape, wherever it was the older, slightly graying man was going to take him.

---

"Godric's Hollow, Sir?" Harry, in his sudden onset of confusion, had resorted to the only nice thing he could think to call Snape. He'd been boffed upside the head three times previous by the man for simply using his last name.

Snape led them past Harry's former house with Ginny, past his parent's house, which was still a memorial, past the house where Bathilda Bagshot had once lived and died a tragic death by snake, and finally stopped on a corner.

"Care to see your life, Potter?"

"Why is it you can call me by my last name and I get hit in the head if I use yours?"

Snape hit Harry once again for drama's sake.

"Fine. I get the point, _Sir_."

"It's Severus for the next hour. After you."

Harry looked at Snape. The man was motioning to thin air. "You're crazy. You know that, right?"

"One doesn't live and die and live again without becoming so. Now move it."

Harry regretted doing as he was told. He walked straight into a hidden party and was immediately inundated with hangers on. "Severus, get me out," Harry said. He'd thought the whole point of the "date" was to get out of the habit of trashy parties.

"No can do, Potter,' Snape said annunciating Harry's name. "Regardless of what you may think, the stars shine down on you, but the sun does not come out of your ass. Case in point." Snape snapped his fingers and the girls who had been all over Harry moved to Snape. "Go away," he growled to them and they fled. "Your arousal is obvious but it leaves you empty. I know."

"You're giving me relationship advice."

"I'm proving a point. Tell me that doesn't hurt."

Harry followed Snape's gaze. Ginny and Cormac were looking more than cozy at a corner table.

"Yeah, it does," Harry said.

"She's never coming back to you. But all you do is have sex and booze. It's a waste. You're no better than Death Eater, Potter."

Harry snapped his gaze to Snape. "You're one to talk."

"I died for you."

"You should have stayed dead!" Harry was yelling more out of frustration than hatred for the man he was with.

"Debatable. But there's someone else you need to see who's here tonight."

"Harry, is that you?"

Harry would have known that voice anywhere with its lilting rhythm. "Luna."

She smiled at him. "Quibbler?" He took the magazine from her. "A pleasant night, isn't it, Professor Snape? Thought a bit wintry at Hogwarts I've heard. How is Professor Granger?"

"Annoying as ever, Miss Lovegood." He left it at that, leaving Harry to wonder if Snape referred to Luna or Hermione.

Luna smiled. "Say hello for me. Good night, Harry. Try to stay out of the paper."

Harry glanced quickly between Luna and Snape. "I'm letting people down."

Snape hit Harry upside the head. "Finally the Prodigal Son understands. You always were a bit thick."

"And you always were a bit of a prat," Harry said with a frown.

"Quite right and for good reason. No one likes a fame hog."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's what I meant. One more stop, Potter. From one Hellhole to another. Hold on to your Quibbler." Snape clutched Harry's arm. Harry felt the distinct inside out feeling of apparating.

---

"Severus, do come in. It's been much too long."

"Molly, you spoil me," Snape said. Harry resisted Snape pulling him toward the Burrow. It was the last place he wanted to be. It just screamed "Ginny!" at him.

"Harry," Arthur Weasley said, clapping Harry on the shoulder. "Why, it's been what, four years already? How time flies. Come in. Come on, boy. We don't bite."

"It's not you I'm worried about," Harry said. Before he knew it, Molly had him in a bear hug. "Can't breathe,' he managed to choke out. As he passed Snape on the way in, Harry whispered, "You are a dead man." Snape smirked in response.

"You must be famished. We were expecting Ron and Lavender, but they couldn't come. So I have extra. Sit down, both of you."

Harry and Snape sat, both feeling that to not do so would be tantamount to suicide. Somehow they managed to eat in silence, awkward thought it was.

"I don't believe a word of it," Molly said eventually. Arthur was the only one who didn't look at her oddly. "I just don't. You'd never do those things." She left the room to calm down after getting the dishes started on self-cleaning.

"No one enjoys seeing their heroes in a bad light," Snape said. It finally clicked with Harry that Molly had been referring to all the news headlines about him.

"That's why you were always such a —." Harry's sentence withered under Snape's look. He'd been taking an emotional beating, he didn't want a physical thrashing on top of it. "I'm sorry, _Severus_, but this 'date' is over," Harry said.

"A shame, Potter. You always had such great potential."

"You've been playing with me. We're not that alike, Snape."

"Indeed not. The difference is that I know how to be discreet while you hurt everyone around you with your anger and inability to stay out of things."

Harry threw a punch that missed Snape but caught Arthur Weasley in the shoulder.

"I'll not have violence in my house!" Arthur bellowed. "Ow. That hurt, Harry. Perhaps it's best if you leave."

Molly charged back in because of the commotion. "You should have treated her better, Harry. I can't sand having that-that boy in my house! He's just horrible." Molly ran out before she started crying so no one would see.

"I'm sorry," Harry said quietly. He allowed Snape to drag him outside and apparate them back to Rosemerta's.

"Granger, this has by far been your worst idea yet," Snape said to Hermione who was waiting for their return.

"You didn't have fun?" Hermione said. She played with a few of Snape's buttons. He kissed her.

Harry watched the two. "Oh, God. It could get worse. I'm having a nightmare. Please wake up. Please." He dropped onto a barstool. "Fire Whiskey. Make it a double." Snape stole it before Harry could pick it up.

"Have you learned nothing?" Snape said, shoving Hermione aside.

It all clicked into place. "You put her up to this."

"Damn right I did, Potter. I was tired of 'Harry this' and 'Harry did that.'" He shot Hermione a glare. "I like her better quiet when we're serving our little 'detentions.'"

Harry took a swing at Snape and connected. "You're fucked up, Snape. But thanks anyway. " Rosemerta glared at Harry. "Sorry," he said. "Needed doing."

"Tell me about it," she said with a sigh. She gave Harry the bottle of Fire Whiskey.

Harry turned to Hermione and asked, "Any idea where I can find Luna? I think we'd be great together, don't you?" Then, Quibbler in hand, he disapparated.

The End


End file.
